Good morning everyone! What a glorious day! Today's reflection comes from the Language of Letting Go deck and it deals with acceptance and approval. Funny. In my stress management class, we've been journaling so issues with my mother have been on my mind. I've always been the trouble maker, the black sheep of the family. They (being my mom, step father, uncles, etc) still treat me as if I'm 12 and always wrong. Nothing I have ever done has ever been good enough. Now, don't get me wrong, I have been a trouble maker. I've lied, stolen, done drugs. But, that was an Ellen a long time ago. The Ellen now is pretty damn awesome, if I do say so myself. They don't see it. What I am learning is how to let go of the need for their approval. I am being true to myself now and leading a good and true life. The people who really know me see that and those are the relationships I will continue to cultivate.
Enjoy all your moments today everyone!
Hi Ellen,
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. I had an issue with the need for approval from my mother. At least I always had it from my father, but my mother was the one that really hurt me emotionally. No matter what I did, I was never good enough. It use to tick me off. Several years ago, she developed Alzheimers. The part of the brain that controls her inhibitions has been damaged. Now she says whatever she feels. Little did I know, she was bragging about my siblings to protect them. They were the underachievers. Its weird. Now, she tells my sister what she really feels. I guess you can say that the shoe is on the other foot now. What the experience did do for me was it made me a stronger and more independent person. I think the same has happened to you. We have become better because we had to prove it to ourselves that we weren't what the others thought of us. I am so glad to hear that you were able to change you life around. You are an inspiration to us all.
Hi Ellen!
ReplyDeleteI really love this post of yours! We all make mistakes in our past but of course that is how we learn and grow and become the wonderful people we are today:) You seem like such a sweet person, I cannot imagine how your mom and family would consider you to be the "black sheep" in the family! As long as you are happy in your own skin and true to yourself, then everyone else will love you for who you are...If they don't that is their issue. I have always felt I needed to get approval from my dad growing up, and even now, but I always remind myself that he is just a person too, who makes mistakes like everyone else, and no matter what he loves me for who I am. Take care! Beth
I don't know the Ellen of yesteryear but I think the Ellen of today is pretty friggin' awesome too! I have got to get me a set of those cards! They sound like wonderful tools to gain insight into one's self. Is there a card for dealing with guilt? My mother is the master of using guilt as a weapon. Once I can break free from that prison then I can move on and do what I want to do and what I need to do. And I too spend a lot of time journal writing. If I didn't write in my journal I would either go stir crazy or do something crazy. Deep breathing exercises are my weapon of choice at the moment. I just keep telling myself to keep breathing; it will pass. Take care and have a great day!
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